False alarms

So… most of you know what I mean here. You apply to a law school and wait and wait and wait. You pray for something, anything to come in the mail. Finally, you receive an envelope.

No, not a promisingly thick folder filled with what promises to be your acceptance letter and a lot of info about XYZ School of Law, but rather an envelope so skinny that it puts Nicole Richie to shame.  Then you open it, knowing that rejection awaits inside. It will say something like, “Dear LawGirl: We thank you for your application and appreciate that you even included a professional head shot, but…”

You pick up the letter and scan the awful words. Except, somehow it’s not so awful. It actually says something like, “We have just received your application and want to tell you about XYZ School of Law’s admissions process…”

Relieved? Duh. But why can’t they send that kind of crap via email? It’s very hard on LawGirl’s increasingly strained nerves.

Effed up standards

You know, I’m really glad that I shared my LSAT score with you guys. Really. I’ve received a number of very nice comments from people who relate and also people who have a good perspective on the overall distribution of scores.

So, thanks everybody!

Anyhoo, these comments have made me realize that there really is something fundamentally effed up about the law school admissions process. It creates an unreachable yardstick that almost no one can truly measure up to.

I’m not saying that the LSAC or any law school should lower their standards. I’m just saying that people with decent grades, a nice LSAT score, and a bit of community service experience should feel good about themselves. Instead, so many of us end up feeling inadequate and anxious.

So I’m trying to chill out a bit and stop being so damn hard on myself. Thought it’s not too easy when I’m gazing at XYZ School of Law’s median scores and thinking, “Oh, crap. That is so not me!”

Perhaps the fundamental problem with the situation is that we are so often told that only the Big Name schools will give us any kind of happiness, security, or pride.

One law school book that doesn’t make me feel like crap

Like a lot of you, I have had the interesting experience of reading various “how-to” books about getting into law school, succeeding in law school, becoming a happy lawyer, etc..

And again, like a lot of you, I have felt discouraged and disappointed when these books often said in no uncertain terms that, unless you get into a swanky place like Harvard, Yale, the University of Chicago, or NYU (forgive me if I forget anyone), you can kiss your dreams of a successful career goodbye.

To those of us who have felt intimidated by these classist bastards who just love to hold their Ivy League degrees over our heads, I say read this book.

It’s so refreshingly optimistic. Estrich actually suggests that you, too, can be a (gasp!) happy law student and later a happy lawyer. She encourages applicants to set realistic goals without being condescending.

Trust me–I found this book at Barnes & Noble on a pretty crappy day. I had just found out my LSAT score and was feeling disappointed and defeated. This book did a damn good job of perking me up. If you’re going through some difficult times, give this a try and maybe it’ll help you, too.

Opportunity knocks–answer it, stupid!

You know… going to college, working your butt off, then worrying your butt off as you wait to hear whether or not someone will actually allow you to be a law student and then a lawyer someday… That’s effing stressful. I think every law student/lawyer knows can relate to the anticipation and frustration that I am going through right now as I wait for the opportunity to learn about the law.

Nevertheless, according to the wonderful blog Black Beauty Baby, “there seems to be a copious amount of blogs out on the web that write about about how hard it is to be a law student, how stressful it is to be a lawyer and how merciless the legal profession is.” I guess I’m not surprised by this, though it definitely gives one some food for thought.

No, I haven’t wavered at all in my decision to go to law school. But I am a little more determined to appreciate the opportunity for what it is, though (like all worthwhile things) getting through it can be difficult. Based on a few books and blogs, I now know that I will want to quit law school at least three times during my first year–I’m cool with it!

Yesterday I actually found a 1L blogger who wrote flippantly that she never went to class, didn’t do the reading, and then (surprise) made a fool of herself when she did go to class. All of this written in what I assume was supposed to be a funny, sardonic, rebellious style.

Yeesh.  Nothing annoys me more than a person who has a perfectly good opportunity and just wastes it because they think that the cute slacker thing is cooler than working one’s ass off to succeed. It’s like, “Hey flippant 1L girl, wanna switch places?”

The Five Stages of LSAT Grief

As the wait lengthens, I think more and more about what I might have done differently in the past to make this unique time a little more comfortable for myself. Inevitably, my thoughts turn to the LSAT.

Like many people, I was rather dissatisfied with my LSAT score. When I saw it on my computer screen, I though there had been some mistake. I had done so well on my practice tests that my real LSAT score seemed impossible. How could my score have fallen five or six points?

I liken my reaction to the Five Stages of Grief. First comes denial–as you just read. Then, a few hours later, came anger.

And boy, was I angry… At the LSAC for putting that stupid Analytical Reasoning section on their test. At myself for not studying hard enough. At the irony that I did so well on the three other sections but was basically sunk by the logic games. Needless to say, it was not a great day to be LawGirl. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but I actually locked myself in the bathroom to have a good long cry before facing my inquiring friends, family, and co-workers.

A few days later came the Bargaining stage. “At least let me get into SOME law school, if not Name-Brand Law School.” As you can see, this was an improvement over my previous manic stage. And as the weeks passed, I thought a lot about what I wanted from law school and also about what I wanted to do with my JD. I slowly realized that my score wasn’t all that terrible and that I could still get into a good law school.

I guess you could say that I’ve finally moved on the the Acceptance stage. I think some part of me will always believe that I could have done better on the LSAT. Still, I remember the hours of studying I put in and I feel a lot better about my score because I know that I did my best.

In case you’re wondering, I got a 156 which is pretty darn good (I think). I was a little reluctant to reveal this for a few reasons. However, I can’t talk about how relaxed and happy I am if I’m still not willing to reveal my score. So here it is, World.

Here we go…

You might be wondering how long I’ve been waiting to hear about whether or not I’ve been accepted to law school yet. Technically, I’ve been waiting less than two months.

But every day is excruciating. Compared to all this nothing, I would rather go back to studying for the LSAT. At least then I knew that I was doing something, making a headway, or whatever. These days, even with my last semester of school, work, and family time, I really feel like my entire existence revolves around waiting for the mail carrier to come to my building and bring me some good news.

And yet, I’m not a particularly impatient person. Ask anyone. During traffic jams, I crank up cheesy pop music. When I’m stuck at the airport, I use the time to dig into a good book. I’m really, really good at waiting for stuff.

Except for this. Suddenly, all I feel is a growing knot of doubt and anxiety as another day goes by…